George Clooney Says Women, Bong Water Stand Between Him And Politics

While plenty of people would vote an A-lister into office without even looking and their platform (Winfrey/Kunis 2016!), George Clooney says women and drugs ruined his political career. “I didn’t live my life in the right way for politics, you know,” Clooney explained to Newsweek. “I f–ked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth.” Says George, anyone hoping to win an office “would start from the beginning by saying, ‘I did it all. I drank the bong water. Now let’s talk about issues.’ That’s gonna be my campaign slogan: ‘I drank the bong water.’?” Does Clooney actually think a little weed and the love of a few dozen gorgeous women would stop him from getting elected? Down on Capital Hill they call that “a slow Tuesday.”
Despite Clooney claim that his sordid past would ruin a run for office, some attribute Clooney’s humanitarian aid with facilitating the Sudanese vote for freedom. “The referendum would not have taken place without his involvement. Never,” says Valentino Achak Deng, the Sudanese former child soldier depicted in Dave Eggers‘ book What Is the What. “He saved millions of lives. I don’t think he knows this.” As if that wasn’t enough to convince George the world loves him, apparently an artist in Cincinnati painted a mural of Clooney as Michelangelo’s Adam. See George, everyone loves you. Now let the bong water flow like wine